Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Who am I to tell you how to be human?

I’ve been consciously studying ‘how to be human’ for since 1985.
I was 14. I'd just received a call from my parents telling me that they wanted to be together, without me, so from now on, I now lived with my grandparents. Say what you like, it was the best thing that every happened to me. It was the first grand attack on my value system and forced me to face myself and my beliefs at an early age.

It began as the study of survival.

My survival.

Know thyself – According to Pausanias, these words were inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi.

Seek and ye shall find – attributed to Jesus of Nazareth in the Gospel according to Mathew

The cause of all pain and suffering is ignorance - attributed to Siddhartha Gautama, The Buddha

Patience, discipline, strength – words I came across while studying Qigong

These words have been the pillars of rest and contemplation in between my moments of chaotic searching.

So I started my adult life cut off from human society.

I feared people.

I was afraid, vulnerable, secretive, unhappy, self condemning, judgmental, selfish, arrogant, disdainful, bored, uncaring, in pain, alone, cut off, ostracized, vindictive, ignorant, critical, hateful, and scornful.

I was afraid of people, of dying, of the future, of the past, of another's opinion, of the ruin of the environment, of societies view of me, of other’s judgment of me, of being poor, of my parent's alcoholic and anti-social life style.

I was vulnerable because I imagined the world considered me as less – it made me sensitive to criticism, snubs, blank faces, negative interpretation, conspiracy theories – my self image was poor, I felt ugly, plain, I felt worthless.

I was necessarily secretive because I felt that nobody would understand what I was going through. Nobody had parents who drank, that stole from the rest of society, that were poor, and sometimes rich.

Everything I have discovered, from this point of pain and rejection, everything about ‘being human’ comes from my experiences.
I didn’t feel human before. And I wanted to become human. I wanted to discover what it meant to be human.

I am a living experiment.

I am a product of my exploration of what it means to be human.

And then I realised, that I am you, and you are me. And all of this 'me' talk, was actually about us. You, my brothers and sisters. Its about us, and how to manage our life together.

There are many points to consider. Social, political, economic, spiritual, educational, environmental. But first and foremost, all dialogue begins with you and with me.
Much love.

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