Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Death of Me (part III)

Contemplation from the Pit (16th of July 2008)

In the blackness, despair invades the heart.
Flashes of folly tantalize the senses.

Resolutely I stay on the floor,
Determined to see it through.

The despair, I understand, is part of the loss.
I am grieving for the ties that had bound me.
My freedom is bleak in this moment.

I feel alone, afraid to let go –
and the temptation of hope, of light, of love is present.

But I’ve fallen too many times.
I’m tired of getting back up.
I know too much.
I know too little.

Come then, I call, do your worst.

And all becomes quiet.
The noise drops away.
The sadness, the loss, the feeling of death leaves me.

There is silence.
Silence inside my head.

I can see. Clearly.

My breath is soft and slow.

The weight falls away.

And then the springing, leaping awareness sings through my body.

I’ve arrived.

The Stones (17th July 2008)

Above the black pit

The stones are the things we hold on to to stop falling into the black pit.

They include desires, fears, wants, dreams, hopes, beliefs, prejudices, judgments, ideas, thoughts, concepts, inspirations, revelations, urges.

They are the things we feed off. They are the things we stand upon to forge our characters. They are the things we live and die for. They are the things that make us miserable.

Their importance in our lives is the root cause of our misery – of our human condition. Its their importance in our lives that caused the Buddha to say that Life is Suffering.

The stones do exist.

Their existence does not cause misery.

The misery comes from the importance the self, the family, the society, the government, the world puts upon them. In this, is the only source of misery in the world.

The stones forge our personalities. They forge our values. They forge our very being.

Their substance is often undergoing metamorphosis. It shifts beneath our hands. Experience teaches us that with time, the rocks we build our self on turns to sand. Circumstances change. Desires change. We let go of one disintegrating rock, for the apparent safely of another.

If we do let go, for an instant, if life serves a curved ball and the rock suddenly falls away from beneath us – we feel a free fall. There seems to be nothing. We panic and grab onto another rock on the way down, sometimes drugs, sometimes a different face, sometimes a different value – but hardly ever do we fall and fall and fall and see what there is when we hit rock bottom.

Who's Afraid of The Big Bad Pit? (17th July 2008)

Every one.

If one of your stones has disintegrated slowly or just suddenly spontaneously combusted, there is often a sensation of accompanying fear.

The fear is based on loss.

The stones we hold onto so dearly become, sometimes, indivisible from our selves. We think we are the stones. There are mother’s who live through their children. There are men who live for their work. There are children who live for the TV. There are teenagers who live for music. There are people who live for their religion. There are people who will die for their flag. There are people who will willingly starve to death rather than put up with injustice.

Each and everyone one of us has our feet on some stones and our arms carrying others.

We think our choices are the best choices. We build up elaborate stories why the existence of each stone is necessary for our wellbeing. We are frustrated and unhappy and tighten our grip on the stone until, until, until…. Until we change stones, or until we die.

We can not let go of the stones, because they are our very identity.

Sometimes, we get lucky. Sometimes our spouse leaves us and mingled in with the fear of loss, we get a sneaking sensation of freedom and sudden liberty.
Sometimes we get fired and gain a new chance of doing what we always wanted to do. It’s the stuff movies are made of.

But its always someone else’s movie.

What would happen if we let go of the stones? What would happen if we stepped off the stones that held us up?

Some people become depressed. They mourn the loss of the stones. They wish they had the stones back again. They are so busy grieving for what was, that they don’t see the miracle of what is.

We are afraid. Afraid of a lot of things. It seems normal to most of us. To feel afraid.

I was afraid. I was letting go of stones, grabbing wildly at one, and another, and discovering that they were disintegrating before I could get a proper grip. I felt the loss of my self. I felt the fear that I was becoming nothing. I had built my life on the stones… I had thought I was built of stone.

And I fell, and I fell… and I landed in the black pit. The very first post of this blog tells of how it felt to be in the black pit on the first day.

I was afraid.

The Purpose of the Stones (23rd of July 2008)

Remember, the stone is a symbol that includes our desires, fears, wants, dreams, hopes, beliefs, prejudices, judgments, ideas, thoughts, concepts, inspirations, revelations, urges.

They hold a dual purpose.

They lift us up and they hold us down.

We have already discussed what happens if you let go of the stones. If you see through them, and they lose their importance and relevance in your life, then you are in ‘the black pit’.

However, the stones still exist. Even if you can see through them. As long as other people see ‘real’ stones and hold on to them, then they exist as far as our contact and communication with other humans is valuable to us. (Valuing authentic communication with other humans is, in its way, also a stone of sorts.)

How do we usually use stones?

The fact is, most of us are used by the stones. The stones drive us. The belief in something (to be a good mother, to be a bread winner), our emotions (jealousy, rage), our idealism (the way society ought to work) are the stones that use us.

They hold us down and define our existence.

The stones can have a positive effect upon us, or a negative effect.

The positive effect increases our health and wellbeing as individuals, as a society, and as the world.

The negative effects decrease our wellbeing and our health as individuals, as a society and as the world.

The stones mainly use us to hold us down. Sometimes we use the stones to fulfil one of our main stone theories that we are just not good enough. We add smaller stones to our big stone and then we are destined never to be good enough or worth anything to be able to make a difference.

The stones stop us doing the things we really want to do. They stop us from existing.

On the other hand, the stones have an amazing ability to be used for the benefit of human kind also. To lift us out of the black pit.

However, this is an interpretation and not the strictest use of the black pit.

For people not yet willing to go into the black pit and to exist, then there is a positive option. Probably the option that has the most validity and accessibility for this day and age in the year 2008.

How can the stones lift us up?

By agreeing on clear common goals for a sustainable future for all peoples and then creating the stones for people to live by.

This is what we need to talk about. As a people with a common concern for the future of the planet. This is not for one person to decide alone. There are manifestos written by civil societies and by concerned groups that cater to what needs to be done… however, it means a total overhauling of the stones of our society.

Stones can get us through. They can create a means for people to come together and forge a sustainable future for the planet.

First of all we need to understand what the function of the stones have been before, how we use them now, and how they can help us in the future. These topics will be addressed in future posts.

A Closer Look at the Large Belief Stone (24th of July 2008)

Remember, the stone is a symbol that includes our desires, fears, wants, dreams, hopes, beliefs, prejudices, judgments, ideas, thoughts, concepts, inspirations, revelations, urges.

Our beliefs.

Each and every one of us have held beliefs at different aspects of our life. Let’s take a closer look at some of our beliefs, and how the are formed.

The origins of beliefs is a complex path with junctions and crossroads along the way.

There is one defining factor. We were not born with beliefs.

Beliefs are developed from a mixture of contact with family, society, culture, experience and contemplation.

Therefore, we can say, that our beliefs are a product of our history and circumstances.

If that is so, then there is no right or wrong in beliefs. Beliefs may be conductive to other beliefs that we hold, like race superiority or the importance of national identity, or they may be at odds to other belief systems that we hold, like ‘I believe people should get along’ or ‘drinking from a special glass enhances the wine tasting experience’.

Sometimes the feeling of confusion we have is because our mind knows that there are discrepancies in our belief systems. Some people call this discrepancy the human condition. That is, it is the human condition to be at odds with its existence.

Again, this is another belief. Or, if you will, another interpretation of how we live and our purpose of existence.

Some beliefs help us. Like the belief that we should brush out teeth after meals. This advice from dental hygiene experts is a recommendation from their studies of tooth decay. But, its still a belief based on the assumptions that we all want clean and healthy teeth. Clean and healthy teeth are not just clean and healthy teeth. They are indicators of success with the opposite sex, of a beautiful smile, of fresh breath, of wealth in some countries.

The history of brushing our teeth, and brushing them after meals is relatively new. Many of us accept it as true because it helps us. Its even difficult to imagine that once we didn’t brush our teeth with such regularity. What were we thinking? Exactly. We were thinking something different. And this implies that our belief system, with regard to teeth, has changed.

There are many examples of our beliefs changing.

Therefore, if beliefs change, if their very development is subject to our circumstances, then why do we defend them so heatedly? Why do we hold onto our beliefs as if they were our very self? The self is only a mirror of circumstances. Can we see through our beliefs? Is it possible? Do we want to? What are the benefits?

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