Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Death of Me

The 'Death of Me' posts were written mostly in 2008 on another blog. I am currently closing off the blog and placing the pieces 'On Being Human'.

Part One

The Death of Me (11th of July 2008)

I’ll draw a picture of it one day. How it looks to me.

But just now, I need to get it onto paper.

ve been here before. Lying on a cold floor. Snot and saliva mixing in my hair. Tears wetting the floor boards and puffing up my eyes. I’ve screamed into the pillow. I’ve felt despondent afterwards. Sometimes relieved.

Today I punched the pillow and my right shoulder blade still aches. I hit my head, not too violently, against the wall and the floor. I rubbed my face and eyes till it stopped relieving the stress of being inside of my body.

I screamed into the pillow some more. I lay in fetal position and closed my eyes. I vomited up swallowed saliva.

I’m mourning the death of me. And, because this is the information age – I want it here. I want it visible. I want it exposed and raw and real and – I want it to make a difference.

So you can see, I’m still here. The 'do-gooder' still needs to die. But I’m working on it.

This Blog (11th of July 2008)

What are the Stones?

The stones are a symbol for the systems of thought we have built up to stop us falling into the black hole. They include ethics, morals, god, desire, wants, ego, entertainment, relationships, beliefs, values, principles, the self, systems in themselves, wants, labels and so forth.

What’s the Black Pit?

The black pit is the ‘something’ we sense at the bottom if we give up standing on any one of the stones.

This blog is about exploring the stones, as they come into my life, and as I review the stones I have stood on before, and my journey into the black pit.

An artist's depiction of the black pit (16th of July 2008)

Jett, an accomplished artist, helped to put my ideas onto paper.

This is his interpretation of what I had explained to him.

Jett has just turned 9. The letters and the colours are his own choosing.

The black pit (16th July 2008)

There is nothing.

It’s a non-place –
before the expression of existence.

Before life as we perceive it.

Before thoughts and desires.

Its black – or rather – there is an absence of light.

It’s the black pit.

It is, at all moments.

It has no past or future.

It is.

It is neither good nor bad.

It has no value or preference.

It is.

Emotion is suspended.

There is, light without heat.

There is, colour without interpretation.

There are, sounds without meaning.

There is, a body without sensation,

There are two expressions.

There are no divisions.

Expressions from out of the Black Pit (16th July 2008)

The first page of the Bible comes from the black pit.

There is creation. There is vision of the black pit.

The human interpretation begins when there is a choice made for good, or for evil.

God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.

This is not the truth of the black pit. Its an account from one who already believes that the two forces of nature symbolize good and bad.

The Buddha reached the black pit.

Life means suffering.(clutching the stones to us).

The origin of suffering is attachment. (to the stones)

The cessation of suffering is possible by following the eightfold path.

The eightfold path guides the practitioner into recommended behavior. Though these guidelines are exceptional advice for a quality life, if the devotee of Buddhism understood the significance of the First three noble truths, then the fourth truth would be a matter of course.

Buddhism has created another system that puts one action above another, ‘right’ action above ‘wrong’ action. There again, exists, the struggle. The lack of acceptance of the two opposing forces. The pitting of one against the other.

The point of realization is not to have to struggle to be ‘right’ in thought and action. If a Buddhist practitioner struggles with the eightfold path, they are still attached, and have not reached the black pit and let go of all the stones.

The cessation to life is possible, just by entering the pit.

The Tao is written from the black pit.

Before choice and action are engaged.

It understands the necessity of every thing.

There is no fight between one and the other.

There is.

And no more.

Creation and destruction.

Summer and winter.

Day and Night.

Life and death.

Man and woman.

Youth and maturity.

Ignorance and wisdom.

Each exists side by side.

Each exists because of the other.

The balance of the Tao occurs when there is no judgment.

When one exists.

When one is.

The balance of the Tao does not exists when we seek balance.

By seeking, we are not balanced.

The secret of the Tao is being.

Not seeking.

Once one has given up, it is only in that moment that the Tao reveals itself.

And then, you are human. And we have the cache syndrome to address.

(The cache syndrome is yet to be written and addressed. This post is under construction. Comments welcome)

The First Law (16th of July 2008)

We are One.

One is All.
All is One.

One is an expression of the All.
All expresses its being through the one.

All is all.
One is one.

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