The Gyre

The ever widening circle of your life

I have always made myself lists. I’m a list maker and list ticker offerer, and a list throw awayer. Sometimes they work, and some time they don’t, depending, funnily enough, on if I honestly believe in the list.

I think I’ve found a way to increase my belief in my list making. And here it is – the gyre.

I also think it will be helpful in introducing social awareness and our interconnectedness to our world at large.

A gyre is a circle, a vortex, expanding or contracting and descriptive model for its current purposes.

I don’t have the soft ware to present it to you as I would like, but here is the gist of the thing.

In the centre, as we all know, is ME.

For the purpose of the display, and not to be egotistical in any way shape or form, I will use my own name as the first example.

From now on, it will be known as ‘Tiffany’s Gyre’.


Tiffany’s Gyre

As stated, the centre of the vortex is me.

Tiffany
Around the immediate centre, is the things I believe to make up me. These include my physical self, my mental self and my spiritual self.

Now, each one of these selves can be looked at more deeply. For example, Tiffany’s physical self and her relationship/responsibility to it. So, I write down that I like to practice yoga daily and qigong when I have the time.

I may like to include, on further reflection, that I like to have massage, indulge in toe cleaning at regular intervals, and tooth brushing. So on and so forth. You can see how each list can expand with refection. Some of these things we do without giving thought or time to (toothbrushing) and others, we need to find time during our day for (yoga).

So we make a choice with the limited time that we have.

By writing down and becoming aware of each need and demand of the body, we can start to make effective choices about what we spend our time on. We get to know ourselves a little better with every stroke of the pen.

It may seem rather obvious at this level, but as we move further outwards into our gyre, you will see the benefits of awareness and subsequent increased choice.

The second circle, I have titled Immediate Circle of Responsibility. You may call yours what seems more appropriate for your lifestlye. For me, this includes the house I am living in and the people I am living with. The duties/responsibilities to each entity needs to be looked at and clearly understood, if we are not to be a victim of letting time pass us by and not saying and doing the things we ought to have done.

Increased consciousness of our selves and our relationships enhance our life quality. This is a fact.

The third circle is called the Second circle of responsibility. This circle includes, for me, friends. Of course, each subgroup can be further explored and taken into consideration. I will do an example of how to further explore a group at the end of the post.

The fourth circle is Society’s Circle, and includes my area Helensvale, the library and community centre.

The fifth group is the wider community circle – and includes the gold coast city council, my state, my country, my geographical position in the world and then, finally, my responsibility and relationship to the world.

Exploring a link.

Let’s take an easy example.

In my second circle Immediate Circle of Responsibility, I have my mother. I have to put the situation into context. I’m spending one year living very close to my mother, but usually we have half the world between us. To make the best use of the time, I need to be fully aware that at this time next year, I will not be seeing her. I have no plans to come back and see her in the foreseeable future.

So, when I think of my relationship towards my mother, I try to understand the things that I like and the things that I see as my duty, or my responsibility towards her.

Perhaps, even if I don’t have the time of the will, I will sit with her and discuss her boredom with life, or her lack of employment skills for her age, or her worries about her other children and grandchildren. At the same time, I encourage an opening of her mind to subjects I think she should consider, like fair trade coffee, and volunteering on the Gold Coast.

Perhaps I’ll offer to make dinner. Or help her in the garden. Small things that if I didn’t sit and write about and consider in a rational way, I would overlook.

Some other examples are easier to follow through.

My relationship to the world.

What is it? How do I feel about the world at large? Do I care about the entity of the world? Well, there are a lot of people who do, and I can, with the aid of the internet, become aware of their concerns and see if I also think similarly. Perhaps I’ll even be open minded enough to take on a new concern, if I am aware of issues at a world scale.

But, I wouldn’t know anything if I didn’t have my self in the centre, and an ever increasing circle of awareness developing around me.

Comments?

Micro - macro theory in practice

I was in a conflict of self interest.

I didn’t even really want to travel around Australia. I was afraid of what I was going to learn.

I was happy in my bubble of ignorance. I was happy BEFORE the blasted trip.

That old adage ‘ignorance is bliss’ is absolutely true.

A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance. ~Anatole France

And yet… and yet…

I also knew that I couldn’t keep my head in the sand forever. There had to come a time when even my love of ignorance had to give way to my conscience.

(What is a conscience anyway? And why do we have it? If you know why, use the comments.)

And now, the flood gates have opened. (Have a look here for an On The Road story, while it was happening)

In short, I have become unhappy and realized, as a matter of course, that my knowledge is painfully limited and I have absolutely no chance of understanding anything and I may as well go back to studying my navel. At least then I was relatively fit and my skin looked good, whereas now I have a ‘lounge chair produce paunch’ and I look pasty.

What good is the use of study exactly???

So, after that little complain (and this blog allows me to rant and rave VERY freely), I will get to the point.

The summary of what happened on the trip –

1 - I became aware of the insurmountable mountain of injustice perpetrated against the Indigenous peoples of Australia.

2 - I became aware that although I didn’t consider myself responsible for what had happened, I was indirectly responsible for the continued racism I have heard because I remained silent.

I am indirectly responsible for the continued racism I have witnessed in real life experience and on the media because I have either ignored it, or considered it ‘some one else’s problem’.

3 - I became aware that if I was going to put my money where my mouth is, then I would have to live, in action, the yoga that I preached. (Yoga meaning unity – if we think about that a little bit, coming together, being ‘one’, then I need to admit that ‘them’ needs the same consideration as ‘me’. In which case, er, I’d better pull my socks up and learn a little bit about ‘them’.

4 - I became aware that Albert (my partner) also believes in these things, just from the opposite end of the spectrum. I was focusing on my breathe, and he was looking at the United Nations. (The idea of unity and oneness – which means, of course, quite a lot of policy writing….)

Albert and I talked A LOT about what we wanted to achieve, and we came up with a project that I’ve been working on pretty much non-stop since.

Now, the reason I’m writing here now, is because I’m coming up against quite a few problems.

The Idealist
One of the problems is that I have to admit that I am an idealist. That I have an idea that I project onto the ‘reality’ – and as long as I do that, I can not move forward.

So I have to, and I’m finding it a mixture of freedom and horror of the vulnerability I am exposing, let go of ideas I have had.

I have to open up my mind to a different world. And even though my brain is expanding, I can feel my emotional self feeling a little horrified to what I have let in.

Idealism is a protective barrier to the ‘fear and greed’ (Thank you Pedro for clarity when I needed it - from Historum) sea-saw that seems to drive us.

To admit to the selfishness, the lies, the deceit, the ego, the atrocities committed in the name of some ‘Ideal’ – to see the same REALITIES in our own hearts, to realize that actually, and sorry to state it, but WE are the very thing we are fighting, is, for me, heart shattering.

I’m stunned at what I’m looking at.

Unity?
This is just a continuation of the above problem. Do you have any idea how many humanitarian, environmental and social organizations there are out there?

Do you have any idea how the egos of these little and big corporations get in the way of helping the very people they are all sworn to help.?

Its just amazing. So, I’ve come full circle.

The way to help the world enter into the future (assuming we all want to live), is by becoming aware of the very faults in the society we point at, and realize that we are ALL capable of it. That its our own greed that we are looking at. And the only way to fix it is by pointing the finger at ourselves.

When we live the kind of life that we WISH the politicians would,

when we settle disputes without violence and bully tactics, as we wish the politicians to do,

when we make the informed choices on consumer products that we wish the governments would,

when we give of our time and money to those who need it more than ourselves as we hope the government will,

then, quite naturally, and almost magically, the world will be able to face the challenges we have today.

Humorous Moments on the Road

March 08 (On the way to Noosa) or otherwise entitles 'How to generate hate mail/male'

Tiffany - All cars should have a little digital sign on them, saying what they are doing.

Albert - Most of them would say 'I'm going to the shops, my husband earns the money.'

(editor's note - Albert says that I should put the above quote in a time context. IE - it was a weekday, and mid-morning. Tiffany says - 'what ever, you still sound like a neaderthal')



March 08 (while planning part of our maybe more of Asia trip in a year)

Albert - If you could name your own airlines, what would you call it?

Tiffany - Far Kov Kwik Flights

What's yours?



Albert's Growing list of jobs he wants to do when he gets big. (Albert is our 29 year old)

- Truck driver
- Air plane pilot
- Racing car driver
- Garbage man
- Post man
(Editor's note -Albert just emphatically denied that he ever said he wants to be a postman when he grows up. He wants to change it for taxi driver.)
- Taxi driver
- Buyer for Indian shops around the world


Brisbane Airport - ‘Mum, please don’t cackle. Its unnerving.’

Brisbane Airport (about our plane and slight delay) – ‘Your plane has an engineering problem’ (ha! Good one!!! Yeah, right! Are they actually allowed to say that??? As a legitimate excuse for lateness? Why can’t they white lie a little bit. ‘Sorry, but Captain Smith’s manicure is still in progress, your flight will be 30 minutes delayed’. I’d be prefer that.


On the road from Litchfield to Darwin, bumper sticker ‘I live with FEAR, sometimes she lets me go fishing.’


(all of these comments have been previously published here - http://journals.worldnomads.com/allwelcome/ )

Time to Tighten Up

We’ve been traveling for two months around the top part of Eastern Australia. I’ve come back and found, not very surprisingly, that my stomach is soft and squishy and not at all like it was when we left.

Of course, I’ll start tomorrow.

Increasing awareness into the stomach area. Even as I sit here I can feel it sagging out.

Begin with gentle Pilates inspired exercises. I don’t like hard work or pain… so I’ll start slowly and build up my strength over the next few weeks.

On Monday (four days away), I will begin to limit the food I am enjoying rather lustily now. We’ve been eating what’s available rather than what I wanted, so now I will allow myself a little period of indulgence.

I will start to ride my bike again, starting from Monday.

Remember to always put off to another day allll exercise, unless you really mean what you say about ‘getting rid of it’.

Nobody will listen to a word I say if I don’t get rid of it.

wish me luck!!

For those of you that know me, this is to PROVE that it happens to everyone!!

I honestly feel like I did after I gave birth to Jett…..

Happily, I don’t mind as much as I thought I would about having a rounded tum.

Training Tips for Travel

I live on the road. We’re constantly going on trips and I need to find ways to maintain my training. If you have any ideas to contribute, feel free to contact me.

What I train at home
- Yoga
- Qigong
- Meditation
- Pilates

What I typically train while traveling
- Yoga
- Qigong
- Pilates
- Hiking
- Elastic band

The problems of travel and training

Its finding the time. It has to fit in with the people you are traveling with, or the things you have to do while traveling.

Sometimes traveling means a change of diet, often an increase in fast food or negative calories (high energy food with little nutritional value).

Its finding a place to train.

Solutions

I train in the morning, before breakfast. My family know that I will be gone for an hour, and they fill their time appropriately. Knowing how important the time is to yourself, its integral to communicate your needs to those around you. Of course, sometimes it doesn’t fit in. But be flexible and don’t be hard on yourself if you miss a day or two. Traveling means you have to be patient about a change of place and pace.

Spend some time thinking about what you are going to eat while away. Get to know when you’ll be hungry. The negative calories are dangerous at times when you are rushed for time and you haven’t planned your meals. Its worth taking the time to think about it before you leave, having a few healthy snacks as back ups in case of time restrain. How many times have I heard people complain about coming back from a holiday with an extra two kilos of body baggage?

I train activities that I can do pretty much anywhere. I need a small amount of space and little equipment. I travel with a yoga mat and an elastic band. I can train in my underwear if its in my room, or casual clothes if I go outside.

One of the things we do when we are traveling, is walking. We go on suggested walks, we hike in the national parks and we trek across varied landscapes. It doesn’t feel like exercise at all, but its one of the healthiest methods of exercise on the planet.

Training at home – or on the road

Yoga – Typically the biggest problem with training yoga asanas at home is remembering the sequence of poses. There’s no getting around it. You have to learn a sequence, or have a book, piece of paper, a video or audio device to help you. This is a nice website for some tips for training at home – it even has pictures.

If I can, I practice yoga outside. Yes, I look strange, but I honestly don’t care. Most of the people who see you are only inspired to do it themselves. You are selling the idea of yoga. If you’re shy, just do a few stretches after a walk and see how it makes you feel. As you gain in confidence, you can add a few more. Before you know it, you’ll look as strange as me.

Qigong – Qigong is great to train outdoors. Again you have to combat the social pressure. See it as a concentration challenge. If you know what to do, do it. Outside the air is usually fresh and more beneficial than in your hotel room.

The best link I’ve found to explain qigong exercises for new beginners is here.

Meditation – Finding a quiet spot to practice meditation can be done anywhere. If you’re in the middle of a city, you can find a park. If you can’t find a park, perhaps a Buddhist meditational technique for developing compassion would be good for a change? Let your eyes settle on a random person. Imagine their lives, and what has occurred to them for them to look and be where they are right now in the world. Imagine the good things and the bad. The life they have lead that produces their choice in clothes, the lines of their face, their body shape, their hair, their movements. Realize each and every person has a story, just like yours. Open your heart to understanding their importance in the world. ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’

Pilates – Of course, the trouble with doing any of the afore mentioned exercises, is you have to know what you are doing before doing it. Its not like an aerobics class at a gym where the instructor tells you what to do. For traveling and training, and doing it on the cheap (IE not going to a gym for the safety of routine and music and professional instructors) then you need to educate yourself, or at least, learn a sequence of exercises. The best link with the least amount of advertisements is this one. However, you’ll still need to read each exercise and learn what to do. There is no way around this!!!

Elastic Band – I take this with me to help tone my muscles. The link here has some examples of exercises. Again, the more information you know before hand, the better your use of this simple, light and perfect travel training tool.

Hiking/Walking – yes! For the people who don’t want to remember anything except how to get back to their camp site/hostel room/hotel room/apartment – here it is. The perfect exercise. There are many interesting links about walking and its benefits. This one covers pretty much all the information I’d want you to know about.

Remember, if you’ve got some training tips for travelers, let me know and I’ll post them.

The Billowing Acrid Smoke of Worthless Chatter

In the Words of My Perfect Teacher, the author Patrul Rinpoche, writes that of the ten negative acts to be avoided, ‘worthless chatter’ is listed along sided sexual misconduct, stealing and killing.

When I first read it, I thought its place in the top ten was perhaps a bit of over kill.

But that was before I was subjected to my mother.

To contextualize.

I’ve been living abroad for 11 years. I’ve been deliberately cocooning my self in the way of life that I chose. My ideas, my philosophies, my eating habits, my life style choices. Admittedly, it was in direct negation of, or reaction to many of the experiences I had seen and/or endured while growing up.

I’ve moved back to Australia, and we’re staying with my mother on and off for one year. Then we’ll be moving back to Europe.

As Albert says when he thinks I’m being particularly trying ‘Paciència el Senyor!’

My mother is one of the most negative thinkers I have ever come across. Perhaps I should say, she’s the most vocal negative thinkers I have heard.

I was listening to her negative twist on recent events in her life (and honestly, the details are not important, if it wasn’t this, it would be that), and she then proceeded to call three more people to tell them her version of events, and then my step father came home, and she started to talk about it again. To her, she’s just talking. She has no idea how her words are rippling outwards and effecting more than just the moment.

I’ve heard it all day long. I don’t know how she can be happy thinking and talking like that. Of course, she’s not. She’s unhappy and often unwell. But that’s not for here. (IE I’ll write about it in another post)

It was painful for me. (And Albert, since he had to listen to me complain about her as well as listen to her… ) I saw her negative, thoughtless talk (because she is not consciously a vicious person, she’s just a victim of negative patterns and lack of awareness of the law of cause and effect) spread around her like pollution. And that’s when it hit me that the words of Patrul Rinpoche were more insightful than I first gave credit for.

Consider mind and body issues are my living. I’m suppose to help people like this. Usually I get paid for it, but in this case, my payment will be a peaceful household for the next 8 months. (Oh yeah, and good karma points.)

It made me start thinking about how a few negative words could have such a detrimental effect on the self and others. Its acts like a billowing black smoke on all who come in contact with it.

So I went back to the book, and had another look.


Speaking negatively has a lot of demerit points


- It inflicts negativity upon others


- It spreads hurt, anger, pain


- It disturbs them from their path


- Negative talk often springs from desire, bitterness, hatred, jealousy, or to throw it all together, bad feelings in general


- Negative words act like a bad apple in a barrel, the rot spreading



Its our duty, as responsible, conscious people, consider what we are saying. What is the motivation of our words?



Is it to bring love, happiness, joy, understanding to the world, or is it to spread hurt, pain, bitterness and the holding of grudges?

What the hell is normal anyway?

The internet is full of information about the effects of abuse on children, and everyone has their own opinion about it. I was looking for a link to use, but I was dissatisfied with the explanations and the methods of help offered. So I’ll just say what I want to say, with no link to back me up.

Abuse of children and stunted emotional growth

Abused children (mental/physical/emotional) are hurt. They respond differently to their abuse. But their hurt stunts their growth. The hurt shocks them into a state of mind they may not reenter until a much later time. Meanwhile, they are living a life that is not their own. That is a fabrication. A defense against the hurt. Its only after years of mistakes that they either get worse, or seek help. Often they’ll find that although their body has developed, and even though different aspects of their personality has evolved, there is a hurt and vulnerable child crying quietly in a corner. It takes time to coax the child out and make it feel safe.

Abused children are confused

Their role models of the world are doing things that are giving them conflicting messages. Children know so much more than we think, and so much less. Parts of their brain understands certain information, while their emotional growth may not be able to process the data into correct folders. They’re confused. They have basic needs that need to be met, and when they reach out to be comforted, more often than not, they are given a mouthful of sawdust. What are they being taught? Their basic needs are not being met. There is obvious dysfunction.

Abused children are lonely

They feel that nobody understands their situation. The world they met out side of their house does not correlate to the events that occur inside, where its ‘real’. They don’t have any one to talk to inside the house. And they ‘betray’ their family if they talk outside of the house. There really isn’t anywhere to go, except inside the self. And the self they meet is ill equipped to help.

As emerging adults, abused children have an underprivileged place in our society

People who can not small talk, who talk too much, who avoid confrontation, who fight at the slightest incident, who have unusual or no emotional response to ‘normal’ events, who can not maintain a job, who can not pay their bills, who abuse drugs, who are ‘too perfect’ citizens… what’s going on? And then there are the charmers, who smile and please and come home and abuse their own children. But no one can believe it. Abused children fill in the cracks in our society.

Where to go?

What does an abused child do when they grow up? They search for the things they didn’t have when they were a child, or they repeat the same mistakes their parents/abusers made. Either way, they are vulnerable and have low self esteem that keeps them in negative surroundings in their relationships or/and their work.
Is there a way out?

Well, not until the abused child is ready to stop it, and has the tools to stop it. So, its more information, its less stereotyping, its more sensitive intervention from observant people (teachers, doctors, neighbours, friends), its more positive stories about survivors and its about people who have first hand experience with abuse to make the decisions (not a brick hearted minister who ‘just doesn’t get it’) about help programs and budgets.

We have to talk more. Keep open the doors of our experience. Nothing is shameful. Nothing is wrong. Everything is ok.

Love.

Understanding.

Acceptance.

Forgiveness.

A Different Perspective

I saw a documentary on teenagers leaving foster care and moving out into the ‘real world’. I saw a news report where the Australian Prime minister spoke about ‘problem teenagers’ like they were a pest to be sprayed.

It sparked an avalanche of questions and concerns. Many of them indelibly linked to my own experiences.

Children’s emotional development is often stunted through crisis moments they have endured in their childhood. Children coming from emotional and/or physical abusive house holds come into contact with the world viewed through stained glass.

Relatively ‘normal’ children do not have their imagination, their versatility, their creativity, their ability to think out side the box. Of course, they don’t have the negative aspects either.

Yes. I said that abused children have resources other ‘happy and relaxed’ children do not have. Its not the first time the idea has been voiced.

We need to think differently.

More information, more open mindedness, more positivity directed towards the ‘differences’ we have, rather than spending time and money trying to make us the same as you.

Because I was a troubled teen. I come from an alcoholic house hold. And I’m so tired of the failing approach of the ‘normal, happy A4’ people, yes, like our Aussie Prime Minister, making ill informed judgments about ‘what to do’ with the likes of them. Them being special.

In all the googling I did, I didn’t see anyone mention the ‘why’ factor. Why are the teenagers binge drinking? Why are adults supplying their children with alcohol. Why do we need to sedate ourselves? Where is it all coming from?

Our world is speeding up. The level of information available to us now is outstripping anything in our known history. We are constantly reinventing ourselves to adapt to the constant flow of change.

We need to harness our unusual thinkers. We need to implement programs to educate shattered minds. And not to try to glue them back together to resemble a clean sheet of glass. But to assemble the pieces so the light can shine through the coloured vision and perhaps lighten up the path with fresh and innovative ideas for the problems of our world today.

Think differently. Think positively.

The Space Between Idea and Action

I’m afraid.

I’m missing something.

There’s a piece of information that just doesn’t click into place.

I’m a mind and body teacher. This infers that I study and teach methods that unite the mind and the body. That unite ideas with action. And I’m stuck.

There is a piece in the link that doesn’t make sense to me. The space between ‘I know what I’m doing is bad for me, but I’m going to do it anyway.’ And I’m not just talking about everyone else. I’m talking about me too. That’s how I know for sure. Cause it happens to me too.

But what is it?

A woman knows that smoking is bad for her. Absolutely, without a doubt, knows it, but still lights up.

A boy knows that being worried about spiders in his bed, in his clothes, on the couch, on the floor makes him act with painful nervousness. Even if he only sees one spider a week, and that one outside in a tree, it doesn’t help. He still worries.


A man knows that his body is getting fatter, and he’s losing his youth by sitting at a computer all day at work, and sitting in front of the tv all evening. He knows it. He sees it in photos that are being taken. But he still does it.

I know that caffeine in espresso shots makes my heart race and interferes with meditation and yoga practice. I know that I need to drink more water because my lips are dry and I’m thirsty. But I don’t do it. Even though I know for a fact that its good for me to stop drinking half the amount of coffee I drink, and to increase my water intake. (I now go and drink a glass of water)

So what is it?

What creates change?

Well, in the case of the smoker. Her story changed when the doctor discovered a hole in the back of her throat. Cancer. He said if she didn’t stop, she’d die for sure. She also suffers emphysema, and needs medication every day to keep it in check.

So do we need the imminent toll of punishment and doom to kick us into gear? Is that the only way to give ourselves the kick up the posterior that we all seem to need, in varying degrees of impact?

What creates change?

Some times its circumstances. If we change our daily habits, we can change the triggers that make us want to do the ‘negative’ thing. (Its not a ‘bad’ thing. It’s a ‘negative’ thing, something that has a negative impact on our lives.) For example, if I start reading a novel, then I like to sit down with a latte or cappuccino. I could change the drink. I could change the place I start to read the book. I could start by just being aware of the circumstances that produce the negative behaviour. (By the way, I love coffee. I’m not saying to you that you can’t drink it. I’m just talking about coffee’s impact on my body. Other people don’t have the same biological responses to one shot of espresso that I do.)

In the case of the man who’s body was falling into disuse and increased amounts of body fat. He decided that instead of driving his car to work, he would walk or ride his bike, depending on how much time he had in the mornings. He still drove when it was raining, but it was a start. And its no story of a miracle cure. He still sits in front of the computer or the tv all day. But he does get out a bit for a walk every now and then.

Fear

Fear of death. Fear of punishment. Fear of society’s scowl. Fear of being uglier. Fear of turning out like our parents.

One of the reasons I began meditating in the first place was in direct reaction to NOT wanting to be like my mother.

The straw that broke the camel’s back.

One man I spoke to said he changed his lifestyle because there was only so much of wishing and wishing that you could do. It acts like a pressure cooker. It builds up steam and then ‘pop!’ You’re off and away.

I guess that’s the typical explosion that puts a stop to negative relationships. It’s a gentle ticking that builds up into some sort of time bomb… Just waiting for the right minute.

Sudden inspiration

People say, ‘oh, I don’t know what made me do it. It just kind of happened.’ This is a mysterious one. Some people seem more likely to do impulsive changes than others.

Ok, so there are a few ways to change. But, what makes change so difficult.

Inertia. Laziness. The TV. Society promotes stability. Fear. Better the devil you know. Lack of motivation. Lack of really caring. What’s the point. Not seeing the effect of your actions. Not looking at life from a long term perspective. Just have fun. Don’t worry about the future. Seeing the future as so so far away. Living with the Hollywood mentality of young and free and stupid and beautiful (but having fun and looking good cause if you’re old iiiiiik) But my friends. But my family. But my children. Nobody understands me. Following the patterns of someone else. Living a life a magazine tells me is the ‘right’ thing to do. Not thinking. Not taking responsibility for ourselves. Expecting someone else to do it for you.

I think a lot of our inertia problems, and it’s the big one for me, is that there was no initiation into adulthood. Nobody said, well, now, you will be responsible for your life. Do you understand what that means? Nobody explained what it meant to be a human. The learning parts. The progress of baby, child, teenager, young adult, adult, mature adult, senior. So if I look out into the world for role models, for something to build a future on, what do I see?

Well, personally, I see my mother. Who earlier didn’t do a good job. So I ejected that one.

I see my father. He wasn’t too crash hot either. Eject button.

I look at my grandmother. She was obsessed with cleaning the house, she had no life outside of checking specials at the supermarket and vacuuming. Eject.

TV? MTV? Girl magazines? I didn’t want to be a boy toy. I don’t want to learn the secrets of flirting or how to shake my booty. I don’t really care about the newest concealer or who is dating who. Its not striking a chord with me. EJECT.

So dig further, but it takes time. And slowly you start to find your way. And change is often viewed in the society as a sign of instability and anarchy. Its untrustworthy. So you have to fight that too.

Change. Ever widening gyre. It spreads the good in ever widening circles.

I’m not sure I’m any closer to the answer.

What stops you?
What motivates you?
What makes you change?
What’s made a difference?

The Missing Link

I’m afraid.

I’m missing something.

There’s a piece of information that just doesn’t click into place.

I’m a mind and body teacher. This infers that I study and teach methods that unite the mind and the body. That unite ideas with action. And I’m stuck.

There is a piece in the link that doesn’t make sense to me. The space between ‘I know what I’m doing is bad for me, but I’m going to do it anyway.’ And I’m not just talking about everyone else. I’m talking about me too. That’s how I know for sure. Cause it happens to me too.

But what is it?

A woman knows that smoking is bad for her. Absolutely, without a doubt, knows it, but still lights up.

A boy knows that being worried about spiders in his bed, in his clothes, on the couch, on the floor makes him act with painful nervousness. Even if he only sees one spider a week, and that one outside in a tree, it doesn’t help. He still worries.

A man knows that his body is getting fatter, and he’s losing his youth by sitting at a computer all day at work, and sitting in front of the tv all evening. He knows it. He sees it in photos that are being taken. But he still does it.

I know that caffeine in espresso shots makes my heart race and interferes with meditation and yoga practice. I know that I need to drink more water because my lips are dry and I’m thirsty. But I don’t do it. Even though I know for a fact that its good for me to stop drinking half the amount of coffee I drink, and to increase my water intake. (I now go and drink a glass of water)

So what is it?

What creates change?

Well, in the case of the smoker. Her story changed when the doctor discovered a hole in the back of her throat. Cancer. He said if she didn’t stop, she’d die for sure. She also suffers emphysema, and needs medication every day to keep it in check.

So do we need the imminent toll of punishment and doom to kick us into gear? Is that the only way to give ourselves the kick up the posterior that we all seem to need, in varying degrees of impact?

What creates change?

Some times its circumstances. If we change our daily habits, we can change the triggers that make us want to do the ‘negative’ thing. (Its not a ‘bad’ thing. It’s a ‘negative’ thing, something that has a negative impact on our lives.) For example, if I start reading a novel, then I like to sit down with a latte or cappuccino. I could change the drink. I could change the place I start to read the book. I could start by just being aware of the circumstances that produce the negative behaviour. (By the way, I love coffee. I’m not saying to you that you can’t drink it. I’m just talking about coffee’s impact on my body. Other people don’t have the same biological responses to one shot of espresso that I do.)

In the case of the man who’s body was falling into disuse and increased amounts of body fat. He decided that instead of driving his car to work, he would walk or ride his bike, depending on how much time he had in the mornings. He still drove when it was raining, but it was a start. And its no story of a miracle cure. He still sits in front of the computer or the tv all day. But he does get out a bit for a walk every now and then.

Fear

Fear of death. Fear of punishment. Fear of society’s scowl. Fear of being uglier. Fear of turning out like our parents.

One of the reasons I began meditating in the first place was in direct reaction to NOT wanting to be like my mother.

The straw that broke the camel’s back

One man I spoke to said he changed his lifestyle because there was only so much of wishing and wishing that you could do. It acts like a pressure cooker. It builds up steam and then ‘pop!’ You’re off and away.

I guess that’s the typical explosion that puts a stop to negative relationships. It’s a gentle ticking that builds up into some sort of time bomb… Just waiting for the right minute.

Sudden inspiration

People say, ‘oh, I don’t know what made me do it. It just kind of happened.’ This is a mysterious one. Some people seem more likely to do impulsive changes than others.

Ok, so there are a few ways to change. But, what makes change so difficult?

Inertia. Laziness. The TV. Society promotes stability. Fear. Better the devil you know. Lack of motivation. Lack of really caring. What’s the point. Not seeing the effect of your actions. Not looking at life from a long term perspective. Just have fun. Don’t worry about the future. Seeing the future as so so far away. Living with the Hollywood mentality of young and free and stupid and beautiful (but having fun and looking good cause if you’re old iiiiiik) But my friends. But my family. But my children. Nobody understands me. Following the patterns of someone else. Living a life a magazine tells me is the ‘right’ thing to do. Not thinking. Not taking responsibility for ourselves. Expecting someone else to do it for you.

I think a lot of our inertia problems, and it’s the big one for me, is that there was no initiation into adulthood. Nobody said, well, now, you will be responsible for your life. Do you understand what that means? Nobody explained what it meant to be a human. The learning parts. The progress of baby, child, teenager, young adult, adult, mature adult, senior. So if I look out into the world for role models, for something to build a future on, what do I see?

Well, personally, I see my mother. Who, earlier, didn’t do a good job. So I ejected that one.

I see my father. He wasn’t too crash hot either. Eject button.

I look at my grandmother. She was obsessed with cleaning the house, she had no life outside of checking specials at the supermarket and vacuuming. Eject.

TV? MTV? Girl magazines? I didn’t want to be a boy toy. I don’t want to learn the secrets of flirting or how to shake my booty. I don’t really care about the newest concealer or who is dating who. Its not striking a chord with me. EJECT.

So dig further, but it takes time. And slowly you start to find your way. And change is often viewed in the society as a sign of instability and anarchy. Its untrustworthy. So you have to fight that too.

Change. Ever widening gyre. It spreads the good in ever widening circles.

I’m not sure I’m any closer to the answer.

What stops you?
What motivates you?
What makes you change?
What’s made a difference?