Tuesday, March 25, 2008

We're like a pair of binoculars.

If Albert and I can have a successful relationship, I think the world has a chance at some sort of peace.

Our view of the world can be compared to a pair of binoculars.

I look at life through the close up, in your face, I can see you pick your nose, nitty picky, overly paranoid of a wrong breath type lens.
Albert looks through the ‘wrong’ end of the binoculars, where everything is rather over there somewhere, a bit blurry, at a distance, rather relaxed and not really urgent business kind of lens.

In other words.. I see stuff in micro with huge effects outwards (gyre, gyre, gyre) and Albert sees it as macro full stop.

As you can see, I’m a biased. I think my way of thinking is, of course, better. But that’s ok. The point of this little post is tolerance!

Remember, the success of a pair of binoculars is because it has two ends. It needs two ends. One to look through, and one to let the light in.

No matter what you think, no matter what you think of what you think, you still have to (at a bare minimum) tolerate what someone else thinks. If partners can do it, the world could have a chance. If friends can do it, the world has a chance. If families can do it, the world has a chance.

I honestly believe, that if we practice what we preach, if we practice the positives we want to see in other’s, then the world will, in direct consequence, change for the better.

So, getting back to the case at point. Albert and I see things from opposite ends of a pair of binoculars. We’re looking at the same thing. But we see something completely different. From different perspectives. From different view points.

Imagine if we harnessed both of our view points, and drew them together, to help us understand the world. Instead of one pair or eyes, we'd have two. And two from different spectrums. The possibilities expand and life opens up.

Tools of success for YOU

- I already know what I know. So please let me learn what you know too.

- I want to listen to your point of view, because I care for you.

- I am tolerant of your point of view, even if I think I am right.

- I have to admit, even at times when I was dead certain I was right, I turned out to be wrong, so I’m not going to say I’m right with 100% certainty.

- I hate it when you say I’m right and you are wrong, so of course, as I practice what I preach, I will never do that to you.

- I value your opinion.

- There are other ways of doing things and seeing things that are just as good as mine, and sometimes, better.

- We are a team, and your opinion allows me to see things from another point of view. And this is tough some times – ‘thank you’.

- If you say something I disagree with, it is not threatening to me or our relationship in anyway.

- Sometimes I just want to talk and for you just to listen.

- Sometimes you just want to talk, and you only need for me to listen and support you.

- I will listen first and talk second.

- If you say something that offends me, I will wonder what is wrong with my reaction, not what is wrong with what you said.

- You are allowed to say what ever you want and I accept and love you anyway.

- Everything is going to be ok, cause we remember, at all times, that we love each other and never want to hurt each other.

Macabre laughing.

Well. In an ideal situation. Can you do that stuff? Would it help?

Sometimes I am so flabbergasted (great word - the beginning of Tiffany’s favourite word list) by things that Albert says that I wonder if we are on the same planet. And sometimes, I react with anger and intolerance.

It doesn’t help anything. It only hurts us. And honestly, I’m sick of dumb arguments. Cause we live together. And we love each other. So if we believe that, then we have to work at having positive, respectful and tolerant talks together. About everything. About anything. And its ok. Its better than ok. It sharing. Its the really cool thing about being friends and talking.
Remember (Tiffany), there is nothing good or positive about reacting with anger, or sarcasm, or any emotion that is aimed at hurting another person. You are, in real fact, just hurting yourself.

If Albert says something that seems to me outrageous, the first thing I have to do is get some distance from the topic he has introduced. Maybe I could just say ‘give me a second’, with a meaningful look, so he knows that for some reason (often something they can NOT guess since they are NOT mind readers), he’s offended me.

Maybe I can take a deep breath.

Maybe I can say to myself ‘what he says is not meant to hurt me. If I react with emotion, how can I understand what he wants to say. I can’t be helpful to him and his ideas if I am crushing them with my intolerance and my judgment. My way is not the only way.'

And if you make a mistake, its ok. Its not the end of the world. It just part of the negotiation. The skill of relationships.

But the important thing is, and I guess you've heard it before, is that we are a team. We are working as one. No one is more important than the other. We support each other and love each other and want each other’s best. And so say all of us.

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