First World Guilt Tears Us Up

So I'm feeling frustrated because I haven't been able to prepare healthy meals like I'd like to, and a few nights a week we eat 'easy and simple' - read frozen pizza or equivalent and a salad to compensate. And simultaneously I am conscious that there are people who don't have the option of preparing healthy meals, ever, and definitely don't have the option of picking up some quick food from the supermarket on the way home from work.

I find myself splitting.

I hear myself talking myself into guilt ridden situations and remind myself that I, in fact, as a used to be meditater and use to be yoga instructor, should know better than to listen to and believe in the negative chatter conjured up by the monkey mind. And still my shoulders tense and I feel bad.

I know I am splitting.

I feel like Mr Mom. I picture Micheal Keating pigging out in front of soap operas and identify.

My little girl is asleep for at least an hour in the afternoons, and I have piles of dishes and laundry to sort, and I do not want to do it! I refuse to spend that little bit of free time doing house hold chores. I resent the housework like it's eating into my free time, instead of tending to it with love and care. Instead of blessing it with attention and being happy to make it into a comfortable home for my family, I resent it for eating into MY time. And I feel guilty for thinking I deserve My time. I'm sure that nearly every person in my ancestry  didn't have as much free time as I do, and I still want more. It's never ending. And even if I get an extra hour, I want another hour. I am the free time monster.

I know all the sides of the argument - but it's how I feel. I want and feel that I need time to do what I want. To feel like me, without the apartment, without being a female, without being a mother, without being a partner, without being a friend. Just purely selfish me time.   And you know what, even if I had an hour, I wouldn't know what to do with it. I'd probably sit on facebook liking delicious meals and pretty homes and adorable babies and kittens.

I never used to be like this.

I resent the younger me. I resent that she was happy and didn't know it.

Oh, don't think I can't hear your judgement. Oh, but you have a lovely little girl, aren't you happy being a mother with the look of what kind of female are you - pile on the guilt. Thank you.

Disclaimer: I love Lydia. I would not change a thing. She brings so much joy and brings laughter into our home. I adore spending fun time with her, and I'm so glad we can afford to keep her at home in these precious years.

That said, I'm not at all organised in my home or personal life. Everything is out of control and I am getting by. And the fact is, I see it on so many women's faces. They are disheartened  by life. They are despondent  and fed up and miserable.

I don't think I've every been especially pretty, really. But I was alive. I was the happiest person I knew. I vibrated with life and awareness. And somehow, over the past ten years, I have caved inwards and met the little poisonous snarling animal in me that hates existing and sees misery everywhere and understands why people just get up and leave their lives and never come back.

And for a few days, without guilt, and without shoulds, I'm going to sit with this. Out loud. And let it be ok to feel like that. I'm tired of feeling guilty, of feeling like I should know better, of thinking anything that makes how I feel not ok.

We are human. This is it. I don't want words of encouragement or trite things like 'things will look up soon'. I just want to express. And I know I am not alone in this. Just for a few days. Just let it be. That's all. And we'll talk about shifting out of this another time. Just not now.

Thanks for listening. 

Yoga Sutras by Swami Rama

Defying Gravity - Caroline Myss

Take a look when you have an hour or so. The Art of Mystical viewing.

Defying Gravity

Listening

Advice on Listening

• Act as if the speaker is the only person in the room. (even in a room full of people)
• Allow listening to be YOUR only action. No multi-tasking while listening.
• Watch the speakers eyes and face; you will be able to tell what the speaker thinks is most important through her expression.
• Listen without anticipation. Allow the speaker to state her thoughts, not what you think her thoughts are going to be.
• Allow the speaker to finish before responding.
• Listen without anticipating what your response to going to be. If you politely listen to someone, they will allow for a pause while you collect your thoughts.
  

Advice on Starting a Blog

Advice On Starting a Blog

• The best thing is, not to think too much.

• Remember, it’s a blog, not a text book.

• What you write is important, but it can be human, with all of the failings we have.

• The first thing, is to write something.

• The second is to find a fun picture. (option but catchy to the eye)

• Most people won’t keep reading if the beginning is boring.

• Keep it short – unless you really have something to say.

• Use bold face when you change topic. Like a heading.

• Find and reserach interesting links to sites you like - like 'how to blog like a pro'.

• The most important thing though, is have fun.

• Welcome to BLOG WORLD.

Tolerance

Tolerance is the key to any conversation.

Listening is the door to opening your understanding.

Let your opinions be sand castles. Build them up with true intention to show your ideas, but let the tide and the winds blow them down once they’ve served your purpose.

Before every other consideration. We are humans. Together. All communication can begin from this basic understanding.

For parents

If you are a parent -

listen more and judge less.

The more you judge them, the more the child feels

1) insecure

2) secretive

3) alienated

4) resentful

5) misunderstood.

Advice - love them, help them to feel safe with what they have as a personality - and this requires you, the adult - to shut up more and listen.

Online Etiquette

Taken from Seth's Blog

People online are real people.
If you send a nasty email, there’s a real human being on the other end who gets it.
If you flame in a forum, you’re wasting real people’s time.
If you spam someone, you’re really only making yourself look bad.
If you write IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS it sounds like shouting.
If you want something to happen your way, try asking instead of demanding.
If you give, you’ll probably wind up getting, too.
If you blog just to pick fights, don’t be surprised when people don’t trust you.
If you collaborate, say thanks.
If you’re independent, say no thanks.
If you like someone, tell them.
If you don’t, walk away from the computer.
If you’re giving feedback, lead with just one good thing.
If you’re getting feedback, realize that the person must care a lot to have sent it.
If you goof, apologize.
If you apologize, mean it.
If you smile, mean that too.
If you don’t like something, don’t do it.
If you do like something, spread it.
But far far more important:Give people a break.
The break you probably deserve yourself.
People are out to do good, 99% of the time.
You probably are too.
Say thanks out loud and a lot.
Try making someone’s day.
Chances are they’ll make yours in return.