My Goals til 1st of January 2010

I’m going to study Catalan with enthusiasm and I will open my ears to the language instead of feel as though it hurts my head.

I’m going to make a big pot of soup every week because soup is yummy and cosy for Autumn.

I’m going to restart my Pilates training and strengthen the core muscle groups. They are integral for all physical development.

I’m going to up my physical yoga/qigong practice to an almost uncomfortable level until it is comfortable, and then I will do it again – until the end of the year.

I’m going to read ‘speed cleaning’ – and I will implement my new learnings in a practical manner.

I’m going to learn how to make a really good cake. I’m going to learn how to make it perfect, every time. I’m just undecided of the flavour.

I’m going to do more and think/plan less.

So – that’s my big ‘gonna’ list – what’s yours? Only two and a half months til the end of the year. Let’s go!

Inside the Cafeteria at Montserrat

While eating out lunch, I sat transfixed.

Light in all its aspects have had the upper hand over the dark.

Electric lights over the natural sinking of night time.

Morality of ‘shoulds’ over the reality of ‘is’.

Ration over passion.

Intellect over emotion.

System over flow.

Man over woman.

Speed of flight over speed of walk.

White skin over dark skin.

School system over family group.

Image over substance.

Quantity over quality.

Individual over community.

Material gain over spiritual glow.

The worship of the sun over the fear of the crazy moon times.

Man mad constructs over nature’s abundance.

But something has changed. What was once hidden, is coming to pass in all of us. The darkness is coming to meet the light.

The snake’s tail is joining to the wings of the great ancient gods –

Plumbed water serpents

Dragons and other flying serpents

Serpents and winged gods

The serpent of life and wisdom

The very thing the Dragon is protecting – the ‘pearl’ of myth, the sacred treasure that Man has tried to steal before he has passed all of his inner tests – is the divinity of human kind. Once the light hits the darkness, the pearl – the seat of love, glowing within each one of us, is activated. We hold the very pearl/treasure we have been seeking in the outer world.

Its not out, as all traditions speak – it is within.

Light from the top, Darkness from below – and when both Are – then so are We.

While I’d just eaten some salad, chips and was staring into the wall opposite me – this information was seeping into my mind’s eyes, into my body tissue, as ‘it is’.

I’ve heard it before in different language, in different visions.

And meditation on this – on the chakras, on the light and darkness in equal measure – and STILL, we are One…. Then, then we are on our way of the next part of our journey.

To fly. To crawl. To feel no shame for the dark caves we have been into. To feel no boastfulness for the beauty of our wings. But to see it as a whole, as holy, to be All, instead of a part.

Love, acceptance, forgiveness in every cell of the body. Close your eyes if they take you from the path. Become deaf if what you hear tempts you to forget. Become lame if walking takes you away from your true Self.

Love –

Amen

Approaching the Virgin of Montserrat

The closer we came to the image of the Black Madonna, the more beautiful and delicate the artwork. The last of the stairways had mosaics of holy women in different garbs.

After being surrounded by these beautiful women, the eye was taken by the head of John the Baptist held aloft by a strong woman.

Just before we see the sacred image, there are, flying above us, sky larks, swallows and yes, what appeared to be sparrows designed in mosaics.

More Mosaics and Montserrat photos and More

Behind the Virgin of Montserrat

Behind the image of the black virgin is a small chapel. In the above picture, you can see the gold. The gold is the back side of the virgin. The room is circular. It also holds 8 archangels with varying mudra. And, what I saw as the 8 spoked wheel of Buddhism.

Directly behind the Virgin, there is a striking sculpture. The photo below.

It is St George slaying the dragon. Lightness destroying darkness. One above the other.

How they fear her! How they fear the great serpent. How they want to remind us of the light's victory over darkness.

And yet, there she is, the white turned black. They say the lead in her paint changed her darker through the years. But what ever they say, the fact remains, naturally, she became black. And hundreds if not thousands of people line up to touch her, kiss her, bow to her, pray to her, give her worship, to take luck, to ask forgiveness, to be healed, to be loved, to be blessed.

This is the sacred image of the Virgin of Montserrat. It is not the original. The original is in a cave not far from the Abbey. She holds, by the way, a globe in one hand and a pine cone in the other. One of Enki's symbol is also the pine cone.

The Goddess Trail

Spiral Goddess Website

What's my name?

I sat here, and sent a calling out 'who am I? what is my name?'

I hear 'ishtar' its the Babylonian counterpart to Inanna. Hand on my heart truth and my eyes nearly didn't believe what they read in Wikipedia - almost an exact account of Inanna's decent into the underworld.

Ishtar (I initially wrote Ishtara) Myth

In the Face of Death

I am so tired of the superficiality and one dimension of grief over death. What I’ve lost. What happens to me? What about me?

And in death, this most sacred moment of transition, that we can hold onto the very ideas, beliefs and traditions that caused us so much pain and disease in our bodies in the first place. Why?

What is wrong with us that we can’t see that our ideas literally kill us?

Why can’t you see that by wrapping yourself in the flag of ‘ME’ and my ideals is so futile, so painful, so human. There is no lesson learnt. It hard pride until the bitter end. Tasting the bile in your mouth and still, you raise the hand in a fist and still you curse your children into following in your footsteps?

How does this happen?

My heart bursts to see it. I struggle to find the peace of ‘all’ in this moment. I don’t see hope. I see the treading of little footprints into the adult ones. I see repetition and fear and suffocation and more disease. Following human ideas instead of seeing reality – the divine reality that is right here, right now and it doesn’t ask this hate from you, it doesn’t ask you to remember every grievance or injustice.

Dear God, forgive us! Hang our heads in shame for this continuing abuse of the gift of life you give us. I’m so sorry. It pains me to see. I feel it like a tearing inside.

I am Spanish. I am Catalan. I am Moroccan. I am Muslim. I am American. I am - I am – I am I am – how can these words turn into nails of doom, bitterness, unrelenting eye for an eye mentality?

So then – I’ve written my incomprehension – and I feel slightly better.

Dear God, dearest One, help me to see the glory of You within each of us. Let me see it in the frown, in the scowl, in the hatred, in the fist, in the browning leaf. In the death, in the life, in the living. In what is. Amen

The Earth Protected by Angel Wings

In the deepest part of today's meditation, the earth was positioned above two angel's wings. The wings encompassed the total earth. It was peace.

Who am I?

Part II

The second time I asked it, a breaking occured. A death and a life.

I love this poem - since I was a teenager.

Journey of the Magi

'A cold coming we had of it, 

Just the worst time of the year 

For the journey, and such a long journey: 

The ways deep and the weather sharp, 

The very dead of winter.' 

And the camels galled, sore-footed, refractory, 

Lying down in the melting snow. 

There were times we regretted 

The summer palaces on slopes, the terraces, 

And the silken girls bringing sherbet. 

Then the camel men cursing and grumbling 

And running away, and wanting their liquor and women, 

And the night-fires going out, and the lack of shelters, 

And the cities hostile and the towns unfriendly 

And the villages dirty and charging high prices: 

A hard time we had of it. 

At the end we preferred to travel all night, 

Sleeping in snatches, 

With the voices singing in our ears, saying 

That this was all folly.  

Then at dawn we came down to a temperate valley, 

Wet, below the snow line, smelling of vegetation; 

With a running stream and a water-mill beating the darkness, 

And three trees on the low sky, 

And an old white horse galloped away in the meadow. 

Then we came to a tavern with vine-leaves over the lintel, 

Six hands at an open door dicing for pieces of silver, 

And feet kicking the empty wine-skins, 

But there was no information, and so we continued 

And arrived at evening, not a moment too soon 

Finding the place; it was (you may say) satisfactory  

All this was a long time ago, I remember, 

And I would do it again, but set down 

This set down This: were we led all that way for Birth or Death? 

There was a Birth, certainly, 

We had evidence and no doubt. 

I had seen birth and death, 

But had thought they were different; this Birth was 

Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death, 

We returned to our places, these Kingdoms, 

But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation, 

With an alien people clutching their gods. 

I should be glad of another death.      

-- T. S. Eliot

Part III

The third time I asked it -

Its a mix of all of these ~ and none of them.

Transforming the Painful to the Purifying

We associate pain with bad. We associate poverty with shame. We associate difficult with frustration.

And yet, if you look back upon your life, you know that the maxim ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ holds truth. The father of a high school friend, when hearing of any of my complaints, would say ‘ahh, but that’s character building’. I hated him for saying that.

But its true.

How often do we try to stop others from suffering? How often do we stop our children from experiencing the consequences of their actions? From thoughtlessly picking up the toy from the pram and handing it right back to a baby that learns that if it throws something away, it doesn’t matter, because it comes right back – magically. To cleaning up our children’s messes, including bedrooms, dishes and the problems they get into at school, with other members of the family and not doing their homework.

Difficult experiences, painful moments, if you can live through it, and pull yourself together, remove the bitterness and forgive all involve – turn into blessings. They turn into wonderful opportunities to test what you are made of.

Are we petty, selfish, demanding, and ego centric? Yes? Ok then. Suffer in your resentment, your sickness and your misery.

Are we forgiving, releasing, loving and compassionate for this journey we call life, and know that we are all doing the best we can? Yes? Fantastic.

How long does it take to forgive? How much do we need to suffer, and hold resentment and jealousy and judgements? How long? How sick do we need to become, with the baggage of our own hatred?

At every step along the path, at every moment of the day – the choice is yours. To turn resentment that ties the stomach in knots into release, acceptance, and forgiveness- for your ‘abusers’ and for your self.

Good luck