Synthesis

I was trying to formulate the transitional moment. Trying to put it all together. To label it.

The movement from the underworld, where I lived in coldness - and I keep getting stuck there - and now, to the unfolding, the birthing, the flowering of 'all that has come before'.

And I thought, 'let it go'. Its ok. Just let it go. What is, really is. There is nothing else to say. Except - I am ready, I am waiting, I am being, I am.

With Love and deep thanks.

My first memory

I was five. It was in a hall way. I heard something, I was curious, I walked towards the noise and I saw my father on top of my mother. He was holding her down. My mother was struggling. She was wild. Fighting.

I stopped dead still. My father, while still holding her, said to me 'look, I'm holding her down for her own good. She's trying to hurt me.' He seemed calm. She was violent and crazy in her motion. Her hair a big brown fuzz of movement.

My dearest parents.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I forgive you for hurting me. I know how hard it is. I forgive you, whole heartedly. I release this memory. I release this hurt, once and for all, and I embrace you both in love. Thank you for being my teachers in this great journey. Thank you for offering yourself to teach me.

With love, forgiveness for myself and my brothers and sisters, and compassion for your own journey,

Tiffany

From Light to Darkness - The Tao Within

By all accounts, I was a happy sunny child.

Life shone upon me, and I grew into a hard blend of Artemis and Athena. Withholding and defending my light with arrows of judgement and eternal virginity. Hunting for more of my kind. People to believe in what I had become.

When I questioned my coldness, the light grew stronger and stronger and shattered my image until the all became One and one became All.

Then the Darkness arose, for I had returned home to claim my sorrow, my guilt, my incomprehension, my fears and offer my love and forgiveness to myself and all.

The Darkness was so deep into my blood, it began to turn into Light. The light and the darkness merged and I saw that it was the same, but different.

The Golden Tao.

The threads of my new life begin to create the new form for this phase. Its delicate shape arises little by little with threads of gold from the extraordinary of the ordinary.

With Love and thanks for all that has been, and for all that has yet to come.

Sadhana – dedication 7th of July 2009

With all of my heart and mind I call upon Gold Tara, my silent inner sanctuary and upon Jesus, my protector and guide and thank them for their loving presence in my life.

Every since you arrived, my life has been filled with the extraordinary and I take this opportunity to express my thanks by increasing the length and intensity of my sadhana.

Let my every breath remind me of your presence and love.

Let every ray of light be your light.

Let every colour be a reflection of your many ways.

Let us join together in love and thanks for the All.

This post is a response to Reaffirm Your Sadhana.

Dragonflies as Flying Serpents?

I was outside, just now, and a dragonfly dove into the pool and straight out again – and I thought DRAGON FLY.

Dragon is a type of serpent, or snake. And it flies. If we look at the body of the dragonfly, it is like a little ‘stiff’ snake, with wings.

I was thinking today, what heralded the whole snake phenomena? And I remembered vividly, the dragonfly landing on me.

So, here it is – the dragonfly who was the first messenger -

By the way, it 'stuck' to me for about ten minutes. The little sweetheart. We had just packed up the car, and were about to leave, and then the dragonfly just 'sat' on me. After a few minutes and getting the 'proof' photos, I tried to 'release' it gently, but it continuted to land on me. So we just waited until it was ready to leave.

Thank you for the beautiful experience and for heralding in the new era.

Chew your food girl!

Entering into a new state of awareness, every day – is funny, challenging and odd. In Entering the Castle, Caroline Myss poses the question ‘what are you willing to change in your life? If God comes knocking, do you shut the door because you’re happy as you are and are afraid of the changes that may occur?’
Of course, being an eager beaver, my mind went into hysterical affirmations that I’d do anything… just ANYTHING that comes to me. Those anythings could be donating what little money I had to a charity, could be giving up a weekend for ‘cleaning’ or helping somewhere…

But what if your inner guidance just says ‘chew your food?’

It wasn’t quite what I was expecting…

So, there I am, eating my toast. I was walking with my food into the dining room and chewing and swallowing and I felt the little lump in my throat as I swallowed - and actually, it hurts sometimes, but I don’t listen – and today, I listened…

Take smaller bites and chew it.

So I took a half sized bite, chewed it, and still it hurt to swallow.

I took a smaller bite again, chewed it, and slowly, without having to have the awkward ‘swallow’ I usually contend with, it just kind of slide down my throat without a complaint.

‘Really?’ I thought to myself, ‘I have to eat such small bits, and chew so much?’

Suddenly there was a gentle smile and the words ‘it gives you time to appreciate the food, appreciate where the food comes from, give thanks with each mouthful. A lot of work has gone into each piece of food you mindlessly consume. Go slow, be thankful.’So – now I have a different lump in my throat – and go slow I will.

A beautiful day

The light shines and seems to prove the white hot spear of the divine.

The shadow hides, deeper, and reminds me of the secrets yet to come.

I float in the water, safe at last, delighting in its weightless gift - and I know its my unconscious - that finally, I trust myself.

Finally I am whole.

The breeze touches my skin - and it is the breath of the living energy in all things.

I see a slumped body and hear a defeated voice - and I see the illusion we have created - that I have been a part of creating - and I glory that it is not me, any more.

And I glory that I can see it... I glory and hold it fast to me - hold it for dear life - because its the only truth worth fighting for...

The truth of the eternity of your soul.

Thank you Ms Myss for lighting my path.

October 2008 - my angel

October 2008

What a month!

So, I thought to myself, last night – maybe the angel is waiting – and indeed it was. I surrounded myself with white light – I did a protection prayer (only for my highest good is allowed to enter) – and I invited the angel in with me.

In it came and settled on my left side. It was still there this morning, and is still there now.

I asked the advice from some friends from Historum – and I painted what he looked like.

I can’t see him now, I can only feel it.

I asked what it was I was suppose to know – and it gave me my awareness of my sacral chakra… and heightened awareness of my solar plexus….

It’s the ‘dead’ body of me – I understood things incredibly simply – suddenly….

The three base chakras – the problems I’ve been having – are in the three base chakras I’ve always had very limited feeling or no feeling for – The top four are no trouble = they throb and move and are ‘real’ to me. The solar plexus comes and goes – but the base two have always been ‘dead’ to me… in some way.

My angel gave me awareness of the sacral – and this morning - !!!! I awoke and had awareness of the base – the root chakra!

So happy I am – so complete I feel to begin this new life – this new month – this new year of my 37th year – in such completeness…

Thank you thank you thanks to you….

The base went right down into my buttocks and is a big circular disk – and heavy – I didn’t see it or feel it before….

Amazingly – the base chakra is the one that has been holding me back – and my awareness of it has helped so much to release the problems I had – fear, insecurity, lack of a home….

I heard – ‘don’t look outside for your home – look inside’ – and there was the light of creation within.. and I felt so glad to be finally rid of my grasping….and to see the light within…..

Its really a miracle. It feels like a miracle…

Then it flashed to me – the reason I had such pain in my lower back when I was pregnant – the lack of security I felt – and I have passed onto my son. He’s fearful and sensitive. He has no root system – and this I can lovingly help him with…
My own lack of root system was based on my childhood – of not feeling wanted – and not feeling like I had a base – and was repeated in all of my relationships… its amazing to see the thread of it all within all of my adult relationships..

It nearly destroyed my current partner and I – but now – with his love and support – we will create a new future – where my security is not based on his love, or his presence – but on my love, my self love, my love of god…. The all .. the one…

Thank god! For such a moment….

I remember also – that I was hit by a car when I was 16 – and I crushed my lower back – I had no idea that I was creating the events myself with my lack of roots- I was living with my grandmother – I was ‘put’ there because my father and step-mother said they didn’t want me anymore – that they wanted to be together, for themselves… now, I have gone through the forgiveness of this – I have released any pain I felt from it, I have forgiven them and myself – and no, I don’t condone their actions – but I understand and I forgive them whole heartedly…. But it didn’t solve the problem of not feeling rooted…

As soon as I accepted myself – as soon as I said – I belong to god – I invite you in and I am part of you as you are part of me – as soon as I let it be…. The weight fell off of me… and life is changing daily, by the hour….

I am ready for it. I am ready for it.. I am ready for change and I am ready to love and be loved.

I am told to be an empty, clean, sparkling crystal chalice. … its more like a martini glass!! J , and this I am.. cleaning my self, my thoughts, my heart, my energy, my day to day relationships…

Now – I am a full energy system. I function as a whole… I invite you to follow me.